


Deep breaths, baby.

by jonghtokki



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25882270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonghtokki/pseuds/jonghtokki
Summary: He misses his sweet laugh, sweet smile, and those sparkling eyes of his.
Relationships: Choi San & Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	Deep breaths, baby.

“How have you been?” A sweet voice broke the silence. It was dark out. The sky was clear, stars were out. Twinkling. Wooyoung sat criss-cross on the bench, a bouquet in his hands. Lilies. Wooyoung turned his head towards the voice. It was San. Beautiful as always. He still had that sweet smile, his dimple peeking out. He still looked at Wooyoung with these soft heart eyes, that when he smiled too big, they became thin crescents. Just like the moon tonight.

“I’ve been okay.” The response was apathetic, but Wooyoung was glad to see San. San nodded. He understood Wooyoung’s pain. He would do anything to see Wooyoung smile again if he could.

“Do you remember how we met?” San challenged. His legs kicking beneath the bench. He never could sit still. Wooyoung subtly smiled, the memories coming back

“Of course I do. How could I forget.” Wooyoung tilted his head back, studying the stars;

-

“He’s waking up guys! Give him some space!” There was a recognizable voice, but it was muffled. Wooyoung couldn't see. His vision was blurry and everything was so bright. His ears were ringing, his head was pounding. God what happened?

And when his vision finally focused, he was greeted with several faces all huddled around him. One belonged to his best friend Yeosang and his other friends Hongjoong and Yunho. And two other unfamiliar faces. One belonged to someone named Mingi, the other one belonged to San, with that same sweet smile plastered on his face, his dimple smiling back.

“You were knocked out cold,” San helped Yeosang prop him up on the fence before grabbing the bloodstained towel and wiping the gash on his forehead.

“Wh-what happened.” Wooyoung was still dazed. He had no recollection of what happened. He felt fatigued, his eyes started to roll back in his head.

_ Oh god he’s out again.  _ Was the last thing he heard before he blackout.

He woke up again. The first thing he saw was a white drop ceiling and a big bright window on the back wall. Several wires connected to his body with the slow beeping of a heart rate machine. Yeosang sat up in the chair next to him as Wooyoung began to stir.

“He’s awake.” Yeosang stood next to the bed, “Hey take it easy. You ate shit back there.” Yeosang let out a sympathetic laugh. Wooyoung’s body hurt so much he could barely hold a thought. But as he scanned the room, he noticed that the stranger was still here. San. He’s never seen him before in his life, but something about him caught all Wooyoung's attention.

San waved his hand while Wooyoung was gawking.

“I know you don't know me, but I wanted to come to say I’m sorry. My name is San.” He placed a box of chocolates on the bedside.

“Sorry?” Wooyoung spoke in a feeble tone, his voice slightly shaking. He placed his hand on the chocolates, studying them.

“Well it was kind of my fault. I mean me and my friends were playing frisbee and I threw the frisbee too far and suddenly you were there and my frisbee slid under your wheels and then you fell and then you hit your head and there was a lot of blood and now you're here.” San sucked in his bottom lip. “So yeah I’m sorry…” The room went silent.

“Can I have your number?” Wooyoung narrowed his eyes. Yeosang facepalmed.

“M-My number?” San pointed at himself.

“Well yeah. You owe me more than a box of chocolates.” Wooyoung smirked.

-

“I have to admit… that was pretty smooth.” San laughed. Being able to hear that heavenly sound made Wooyoung's stomach flutter. A smile curled on his lips, something he hadn’t done in a while, something only San could make him do these days. “But Wooyoungie,” that name, it hurt, “What took you so long to call me?” San pestered and took a glance at Wooyoung.

Wooyoung looked back into San’s eyes. They were filled with the stars, like the ones above them. Sparking. Passionate.

“I was nervous.”

“I made you nervous?”

“Yeah and you were the only person that made me feel like mush… like mashed potatoes.”

“Really? Mashed potatoes.”

“That… that wasn't the point.” Wooyoung scoffed, turning to the stars yet again. “Not saying I had a crush on you, but I did.”

“I think you just had brain damage.” San snickered.

“I think it was love at first sight.” Wooyoung smirked, proudly crossing his arms over his chest.

“Ah. That ego. I missed it.” San shook his head and laughed again. Wooyoung wanted to hear that sound for the rest of his life.

-

“Just call him already, or text him. That's also an option ya know.” Yeosang rolled his eyes and threw himself back on the couch. “You pacing around the room is giving me anxiety.” He huffed. 

“What do I say?  _ Hello it a Wooyoung, the guy you almost killed at the park, wondering if you wanted to go on a date _ .” Wooyoung sighed and fell back into the recliner, slouching down until his back was parallel to the seat. “What if he isn't into men?”

“Then just say,  _ Hello, It's wooyoung, wondered if you wanted to get lunch sometime. _ ” Yeosang shrugged. “Doesn't seem hard to me.”

“Well you aren't crazy in love with him, it's different.”

“You don't even know him.”

“Did you see him? He was perfect. If Demi-Gods were real, he would definitely be the son of Aphrodite.” Wooyoung stood up. “Fine I’ll text him, but you owe me dinner.”

“Fine. If it gets you to shut the fuck up.” Yeosang grabbed his phone.

  
  


[Wooyoung 🐥]: hey, it's wooyoung. are you free for lunch anytime?

[San 🦊]: hello~ yeah im free thrusday?

[Wooyoung 🐥]: sounds like a date

[San 🦊]: date?

[Wooyoung 🐥]: sorry, was that too direct?

[San 🦊]: a date it is~ ✨😼

Wooyoung sighed in relief. If anything he can be a bit blunt. But he prides himself on being able to read people easily, and San definitely seemed interested, if he does say so himself. San  _ did _ follow Wooyoung all the way to the hospital and bought him a box of chocolates. Any other stranger would just say sorry and carry on their day.

It was a little past one in the afternoon when Wooyoung arrived at San’s house. The attire: Casual. Not that Wooyoung dressed to impress, but he did pick out his favorite outfit in his closet. It wasn't anything miraculous, just a white t-shirt with the brand logo across the chest, not a tacky brand though, it was an indie brand, one that would get some attention (like who's that cool dude with that cool brand on his shirt) and pair of jeans. The jeans were a bit distressed with a few holes at the knee, jeans that said he knew how to keep it casual, but he wasn't a suck up. Not that San would think he was a goody-two-shoes, but he didn't want to risk that impression. He topped the outfit off with one dangly earpiece on his left earlobe. It made the look asymmetrical, kind of edgy.

San exited the house wearing a black loose fit sweater, deep v-neck, tucked nicely into black jeans, topped with a belt cinched tight around his slim waist. He really had to show Wooyoung up like that, huh. San gave Wooyoung a little wave as he approached the car. Wooyoung waved back, jaw agape. As San entered the vehicle, a little laugh escaped his lips. It will never fail to make Wooyoung feel giddy inside. At closer inspection, Wooyoung noticed San has mismatched earrings. Man he really was in love.

“What are we eating.” San looked at Wooyoung with a toothy smile, his canines came to a pristine point. His grin was a little lopsided. San was so cute. 

Their first date went so well. Even after they spent nearly two hours at lunch, they still weren't sick of each other. So Wooyoung took initiative, and brought them to the pier for a walk. Wooyoung learned San was clingy. He held onto Wooyoung’s arm or hand the entire time, pulling him around.

They mostly did window shopping, but San’s eyes lit up when they passed by what was marketed as a ‘kids’ store, at least to Wooyoung. San turned his head towards him and pointed at one of the bear plushies in the window.

“That is so cute.” San clutched his hands together. Wooyoung swore San even got teary eyed. Wooyoung laughed, fumbling with his wallet in his hand.

“Do you want it?” Wooyoung laughed mockingly. There was no shame in loving plushies, Wooyoung has a fair collection, but San’s reaction was so pure. Wooyoung handed San his debit card.

The two walked out of the store, San clutching the Nemu Nemu plush to his chest. Wooyoung stared in awe as San nuzzled his face against it. He was really precious.

-

“I still have it.” Wooyoung looked down at his feet. He had been digging in the grass without realizing.

“Do you remember what I named it?” San had his legs hugged to his chest, chin on his knees.

“Kuma.” Wooyoung let out a blunt laugh.  _ Kuma. _ He said again to himself.

“Your memory is impeccable.” San played with his shoe laces.

“You really don't have any faith in me, don't you?” Wooyoung turned his head. San’s cheek was gently pressed against his knee.

“Of course I do, baby. I’ll always have faith in you.” San spoke softly. He sounded tired. “I can't stay for much longer, they will start wondering where I am.” San sighed.

“Will I see you again?” Wooyoung felt his heart tug.

“Of course you will~.” San reassured with a sweet smile. “Do you remember  _ November 11th, 2019. _ ” San’s lips curled into a smirk.

Wooyoung let out an ugly laugh before taking a deep breath.

-

They had been officially dating for three months at this point. They learned that both of them were night owls so a lot of their dates included a late night walk if the weather was up to par. If it was a chillier night, they stayed indoors since San was very susceptible to the cold.

Tonight the weather was somewhere in the middle, but Wooyoung noticed San was still shivering as they walked by the park. San uttered a whine when Wooyoung let go of his hand.

“I told you to bring a jacket, didn't I?” Wooyoung scoffed while taking off his own sweatshirt. Pulling the fabric over his head, his shirt underneath rode up a little. San’s eyes lit up when Wooyoung shoved the black sweatshirt in his arms, promptly pulling his shirt back down.

San slipped through thick material over his head and dragged his bottom lip between his teeth. Wooyoung had noticed the mischievous smirk plastered on his lips.

“What?” Wooyoung chuckled with annoyance. Playfully of course.

“You're hot.” San blurted out, the drawstring of the jacket in between his teeth. Wooyoung sucked in a deep breath before grabbing the jacket by the collar and pushing San up against a tree. San let out a winded gasp as Wooyoung pressed his mouth against his. San’s arms flung around Wooyoung’s neck, Wooyoung's hand slipping under the sweatshirt, taking a firm grasp onto San’s hips.

Their tongues in each other’s mouth, their teeth clashing. The sound of wet sloppy kisses filled their ears. Wooyoung briefly pulled away, pressing his wet battered lips along San’s jaw. San let out breathy whines which only enticed Wooyoung to go further.

Wooyoung kept kissing and nipping along San’s sensitive neck. San’s hands found their way in Wooyoung’s black hair, pulling and tugging where he wanted him to go. His whimpers were only getting louder and more desperate.

San pulled Wooyoung’s head back up, pressing his lips firmly against Wooyoung’s, taking his bottom lip between his teeth. Wooyoung’s hands were squeezing San’s hips so hard at this point. San let go of his lip, with a subtle  _ pop. _

__ “Let's go home.” San mumbled, out of breath, before pressing more kisses to Wooyoung’s face and jaw.

When they got home, the two didn't waste any time stripping out of their garments. Wooyoung kneels on the bed in just his boxers, he was about to pull San’s shirt off. But San stopped him.

“Can I keep it on?” San pleaded. Wooyoung couldn't say no to those doll eyes.

“Of course, babe. If it makes you more comfortable.” He smiled and lifted San’s chin up with his thumb and index finger and pressed a reassuring kiss to his lips.

San was thankful for Wooyoung, but also regretted his own actions.

The two laid side by side, the room filled with short breathless gasps and heavy pants. It was humid, smelled of must and sex. Wooyoung turned his head to San, a small laugh escaped his lips.

“That was nice.” His chest heaved. San rolled over onto his stomach and pressed a lazy kiss to the corner of Wooyoung’s lips.

“Nice? That's the only thing you can come up with.” He giggled. Not that he really minded. Wooyoung was never good with words anyway. Wooyoung scrunched up his nose and pulled San into his chest, his lips stamping San’s forehead.

“It was perfect.”

“Now that's just cheesy~” San giggled softly, nuzzling into Wooyoung’s neck. “But let’s get cleaned up, okay~” San pressed a few kisses to Wooyoung’s neck and collarbone. San was always so attentive and compassionate. He got a towel and cleaned up what he could, but unfortunately the sheets would have to be changed. Wooyoung groaned and got out of bed, he just wanted to cuddle and deal with that shit in the morning, but San insisted. 

After the sheets were changed, and things were for the most part tidied up. San jumped on the bed and cuddled up next to Wooyoung, pressing soft, innocent kisses all over his top half. Wooyoung’s arms were loosely around San’s bare shoulders, while San was huggling Wooyoung’s waist.

-

Wooyoung clutched the bouquet of flowers. He missed San’s touch, San’s embrass, San’s kisses, San’s affection. He missed wrapping them up in a heavy blanket, kissing each other in the dark. He missed when San would surprise him at his apartment after work, he always had the spare key, and peppered kisses on a napping Wooyoung’s face. He was so affectionate like that.

Wooyoung took a deep breath as tears threatened to spill over. San perked up next to him. San could perceive what Wooyoung was feeling, it was like a sixth sense of his. 

“Oh no baby. Don't cry. Don't cry.” San cooed. He stood in front of Wooyoung and cupped his cheeks. “I'm right here baby, please don't cry.” He flashing a comforting smile.

“Why didn't you tell me sooner.” Wooyoung’s voice broke, the tears were falling.

“Tell you what sooner, babe.” San wiped Wooyoung’s tears, puzzled.

“That you were sick.”

“I'm not sick? I'm right here.” San leaned down and kissed the tears away.

“You are sick.” Wooyoung insisted. “I remember you being sick.”

“Wooyoungie, I’m right here.” He laughed in confusion.  _ Why would I be sick? _

-

Wooyoung remembered the memories vividly. It started about 7 months into their relationship. It started with a small cough, which Wooyoung assured was just a cold. But progressively the cough got worse, then came the fatigue. San was so tired, all the time. He didn't even try to show up for work anymore. Then San stopped eating. Nothing was appetizing, and when he did eat, he spent most of his remaining energy throwing it back up.

It was like watching a movie. Wooyoung saw himself next to San who was laying on the bed. Wooyoung was running his fingers through San’s hair. He looked pale and weak. His cheekbones were prominent. eye bags dark and deep.

“Why didn't you tell me sooner.” Wooyoung repeated. San stood next to him, watching themselves. He rested his head on Wooyoung’s shoulders.

“I didn't want you to leave.” San spoke softly. He rubbed Wooyoung’s opposite shoulder. “I was scared.”

“I wouldn't have left. I would've helped.” Wooyoung pulled away and turned to San. His heart hurt, his body hurt, it was getting hard to breathe. 

“There was nothing you could've done, baby.” San cupped Wooyoung’s face again, rubbing his thumbs along his cheekbones.

“There had to have been something.” He was in denial. He rested his forehead against San’s. His breathing began to pick up, tears clouding his vision. He couldn't think. His ears were ringing.

“Deep breaths, baby… deep breaths.” San brushed Wooyoung’s hair back. “I'm better now, okay?”

Wooyoung looked up at him, his eyes empty. He shook his head. Nothing made sense. His heart was breaking once again. He couldn't breathe. Everything started to get dark.  _ Deep breaths, baby… deep breaths. _

_ Deep breaths, baby. _

_ Deep breaths. _

  
  


Wooyoung opened his eyes. He was kneeling on the grass below him. Bouquet in hand. San was still here, sitting in front of him.

“Did you get these for me?” San smiled, grabbing the bouquet. “I love lilies.” He giggled and smelled them.

Wooyoung didn't say anything. He knew his time with San was running out. San put the flowers down next to him before reaching out and ruffling Wooyoung’s hair. Wooyoung lifted his head up heavily. 

“I want to come with you.” Wooyoung broke his silence. His voice was empty, emotionless. San sighed and sat up on his knees, brushing a strand of Wooyoung’s long black hair behind his ear, out of his face.

“You can't, silly.” San smiled, but it wasn't his happy filled, bright smile. It was dull, saddened. San had seen what Wooyoung’s been going through. He was afraid. “You need to stay here, your friends and family need you-” 

“I need you.” Wooyoung blurted out.

“You’ll always have me, baby. I'll always be here.” San leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Wooyoung’s forehead. San turned his head, cursed a little to himself. “I have to go now.” He gave a gentle squeeze to Wooyoung’s hand.

“When will I see you again?” Wooyoung stood up.

San picked up the bouquet, smiling. It was cheerful again. Glowing.

“Soon, baby. I love you.” He leaned over and gave Wooyoung a peck on the cheek, and with that, he faded.

  
  


Wooyoung felt cold. Empty. Alone again.

He turned towards the line of gravestones. Hundreds of them. He slowly pushed himself up off the ground and approached one of them.  _ Choi San 1999-2019 _ . To his left were his grandparents stones.

-

“I want to be buried next to my grandparents.” San’s voice was shaky and weak. His eyes barely open.

“San…” Wooyoung sat next to him on the hospital bed, his thumb gently brushing over San’s knuckles. San turned his head, trying to open his eyes any wider. The vital machine, beeping slowly, eerily.

“Please tell my mom.” San lips formed a subtle pout, his eyelids had become heavy, he slowly opened them again.

“Just rest, Sannie.” Wooyoung brushed his hair back. San let out a feeble whine, wrapping his fingers around Wooyoung’s.

“Stay with me, okay?” He smiled. And somehow in his state, his smile was still warm and happy. San knew he didn't have much time, but he wanted to make every lasting memory count.

-

Tears. Tears ran down his face, stained his sleeves. His vision was blurry, but it didn't matter. Wooyoung felt his lungs tighten and constrict as it was becoming harder to breathe. He needed San to tell him it was going to be okay, to tell him he was going to be okay.

“Deep breaths.” He mumbled to himself over and over again, like a mantra. Wooyoung picked himself up, brushed the grass off his knees, and picked his backpack up. He wiped his now swollen eyes and looked up at the sky. “I'll see you again soon, baby.” He tried to smile, at least for San.

Yeosang approached Wooyoung from behind, putting his arm over his shoulder. “Ready to go?” Yeosang brushed a blonde strand of his hair behind his ear. Wooyoung turned to him, nodding.

“Yeah I think so.” Wooyoung turned back to the gravestone.

“One year goes by pretty fast, doesn't it?” Yeosang signed, he too, felt a surge of emotions.

“No kidding.”

It was quiet between them for a while. Yeosang took his flowers and set them on the grave.

“He’s proud of you.” Yeosang mumbled as he walked back to Wooyoung.

“I know.”

“Good. Let's go eat something, okay?” Yeosang took Wooyoung’s hand and led him back to the car.

_ Thank you for nearly killing me with your frisbee. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ this was my first time trying to write angst. I think it turned out pretty well :0 anyway I hope you didn't cry too much ;3;
> 
> My twitter is @ jonghtokki


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